that place...

Last night God showed me a picture of what it is I look like from His vantage point. I saw part of me pleading and declaring with intense ferocity my utmost desire to have more of Him, to do more and to be more for Him. I saw myself struggling to draw closer to where He is and what He has, to enter into the place of His presence, and power, and purpose. I heard myself saying, "I want in that place", as this vivid and almost tangible desperation poured from my heart. Then, as in a movie, the scene panned out to show me standing firmly planted in front of a door, hands pressed against it as if to hide its' contents and keep trespassers away. This is the moment I heard the Lord speak to my spirit. In answer to my passionate yearning to go to the place my being so desperately desires, He responded, "If you will grant Me access to that place, I will grant you access to that place". In that moment, I knew what was behind that door and what God was showing me. In that moment I understood that God was reminding me that just as there are places I long to go in Him...the next level, the deeper levels...there are places in my life He longs to go. How often, for various and (in hind-sight) very foolish reasons, I have chosen to struggle with My Potter and His molding, shaping, purifying process. Far too many times I've chosen to wiggle and whine beneath the weight of His hands, convincing myself that the pain and discomfort outweigh the results. Too many times I've attempted to reason and bargain my way out of His pruning and purging, holding onto attitudes, mindsets and sinful choices that not only displease Him, but disable me. All at once, with this vivid picture being painted for me in the chasms of my spirit, the battle was crystal clear and The Holy Spirit, in the profoundly gentle fierceness He consistently displays, drew me to that place of greater surrender. Today I'm leaning into His hands in decided trust and yielded determination. I'm granting Him access to "that place" in me and am taking Him at His word that as I do, He will then grant me access to "that place" in Him...that place of greater and deeper freedom , greater and deeper anointing, and greater and deeper intimacy...