Always one to rouse a crowd, share a thought, laugh out loud, I had always considered myself rather out-going. I never shy away from public humiliation for the sake of a good laugh (being in youth ministry provided many such opportunities) or a chance to perform for an audience. Laughter was the greatest form of applause and affirmation and I have always enjoyed making folks smile. And although, there is certainly nothing wrong with this necessarily, God began to reveal to me the truth was, I was hiding. I had adopted internally the mantra of "make them laugh with you, not at you." So insecure about my value as merely me, I had somehow come to believe that this was the only "me" others would approve of.
For much of the past several months, God has repeatedly reminded me that I was not created to hide who I am and He has been causing me to emerge from within myself. It is both terrifying and exhilarating to introduce yourself to a world full of people who thought they already knew you, it is eye-opening to discover for yourself who you truly are, and it is breath-taking to experience the validating love of God as he affirms that it's good to (finally) "see" you.
I am more than the rowdy character at game night, and although she is a blast, she is only part of who I am. I, like every woman, have many intricate, complex, and stunning layers and they are worthy of sharing. And I am blessed to be part of a community of amazing people where that is not only welcomed, but celebrated! I am excited for what the future holds, and desire to allow the glory of who God is to be radiantly displayed through all I am even if this means I must stop hiding in plain sight...
