After 38 years, I finally understand what I was missing all along. Having never watched the Christmas classic, "It's a Wonderful Life", I had no idea what all the hype was about. Settling down into the couch with some dearly loved friends, I anticipated what has now become a quintessential holiday experience--and it was!
Yes, it was cheesy and melodramatic at points, but the overall message of the movie outshines all of that. Without spoiling it for anyone, let me suggest to anyone who also hasn't, to make it a point to watch it this year.
I walked away reflecting on my own wonderful life--something that the ladies I was with that night and I also took time to do mid-movie. It was so sweet to hear each dear friend telling just a bit about what makes up their wonderful life. Pictures and mementos of husbands, children, family and friends topped the list. And as tears glazed our eyes, we each nodded in understanding and agreement as sentiments reflecting perfectly imperfect lives were shared.
I left contemplating the intricate way in which God weaves together our lives... the people, the choices, the seasons both triumphant and trying...and I thought of this life void of me and wondered to myself, "have I left enough of a lasting imprint to have made a difference?"
I thought too of the names and faces who make up my world. I thought of their words of encouragement, times spent just breathing and being together, silly times, simple gestures of love, and acts of selfless service. I thought of times when their God-breathed prayers lifted me from dark and isolating seasons and gave me hope when I was at the edge of my own bridge. And I gave thanks for the undeniable evidence of impact they've left.
And I think of the future, unsure of what it holds, but certain it's full of goodness and almost as if on cue, the old familiar Louis Armstrong tune begins to pour out of my grateful soul....I smile contently, and I think to myself, "what a wonderful world."
(Go ahead...enjoy it here)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2VCwBzGdPM
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
My Rough Draft Self...
Although I am a Processor by nature and I tend to process best when writing, I admittedly avoid writing things until I feel they're "polished enough" to be shared. Because of this, I often have extensive stretches of time in between blogging, as well as between the pages of a book that I've been "finishing" for a long time now... a very long time. I'll even frequently edit at great length the texts I'm preparing to send out as if they are some great literary work of genius...they're not...and it's silly really.
I've been wanting to write, there is something, whether it's by pen and paper, or by the familiar click of the keyboard beneath my fingertips, that is soothing to me. Laying my internal thoughts out in front of me is often both incredibly gut-wrenching and simultaneously therapeutic. Sharing them so vulnerably with others, however, is a whole other level of terrifying... yet I also somehow find it necessary. Maybe not necessary for the "you" reading this, (whoever you are), but necessary for me.
See, by default and habit, I am a Hider. I may share some of me with the world, but not all. Like my writing, I prefer sharing the polished up version, the spell-checked and grammar-checked version, and the finitely edited version of me. That, I convince myself, is what people want. The problem with that is, although it may read well, it's not the whole story. And I, like you, am just as much the typos and incomplete sentences of my story, as I am the eloquently crafted paragraphs.
So I'm writing now, giving myself permission to be a bit unpolished. In doing so, I know I am risking the dreaded "red pen" of judgment. I believe from time to time we all have the fear that someone will take that pen to the pages of our lives and like a college English professor, begin the process of circling the mistakes that seem so blatantly obvious to them, grading and critiquing what is our own unique and beautiful God-journey. And the truth is, they might. But I need to write. Words are my instrument and expressing them is life to me.
To be honest, this chapter of my story, doesn't feel so fairytale-ish. Perhaps you can relate. Recently, I was in a head-on collision with some very harsh realities and as a Divine result, I'm raw and broken, weak and emptied. It's a gloriously painful place of refining. I can say I am certainly not alone, but can still FEEL very lonely here in this place where, more than anything, it MUST be God and I.
Truth be told, I am tempted every day... (go ahead and put your red pens down for a minute, I've already corrected myself for this far more harshly than you ever could. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that I too own one of those fancy red pens of judgment and have used it quite unfairly and all-too-liberally on myself as well. O.K. now, where were we? Ah yes, "I am tempted every day"... ) to run, to avoid, to "postpone" God's sovereign intervention to a later, more "convenient" date when I feel I'd be better equipped to handle all He's addressing. Seems only fair, as none of this was cleared by me and my schedule was already pretty full.
That said, I'd be lying if I tried to tell you that I haven't attempted (more than once) to figure out where God is hiding the remote control so I can hit the Fast Forward button on all of this and get to the "good part" of this page-turner of His.
And that's the ugly, unpolished, unedited truth.
And sure, even now as I prepare to hit "publish", I'd still prefer to present the "ready to print" final draft of myself to the world, who wouldn't? But I also see the beauty in unashamedly allowing others to view the flawed, scribbled throughout, authentic work in progress.
And perhaps...just maybe by doing so... some of you may find the courage to share your rough-draft self with the world too ...
I've been wanting to write, there is something, whether it's by pen and paper, or by the familiar click of the keyboard beneath my fingertips, that is soothing to me. Laying my internal thoughts out in front of me is often both incredibly gut-wrenching and simultaneously therapeutic. Sharing them so vulnerably with others, however, is a whole other level of terrifying... yet I also somehow find it necessary. Maybe not necessary for the "you" reading this, (whoever you are), but necessary for me.
See, by default and habit, I am a Hider. I may share some of me with the world, but not all. Like my writing, I prefer sharing the polished up version, the spell-checked and grammar-checked version, and the finitely edited version of me. That, I convince myself, is what people want. The problem with that is, although it may read well, it's not the whole story. And I, like you, am just as much the typos and incomplete sentences of my story, as I am the eloquently crafted paragraphs.
So I'm writing now, giving myself permission to be a bit unpolished. In doing so, I know I am risking the dreaded "red pen" of judgment. I believe from time to time we all have the fear that someone will take that pen to the pages of our lives and like a college English professor, begin the process of circling the mistakes that seem so blatantly obvious to them, grading and critiquing what is our own unique and beautiful God-journey. And the truth is, they might. But I need to write. Words are my instrument and expressing them is life to me.
To be honest, this chapter of my story, doesn't feel so fairytale-ish. Perhaps you can relate. Recently, I was in a head-on collision with some very harsh realities and as a Divine result, I'm raw and broken, weak and emptied. It's a gloriously painful place of refining. I can say I am certainly not alone, but can still FEEL very lonely here in this place where, more than anything, it MUST be God and I.
Truth be told, I am tempted every day... (go ahead and put your red pens down for a minute, I've already corrected myself for this far more harshly than you ever could. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that I too own one of those fancy red pens of judgment and have used it quite unfairly and all-too-liberally on myself as well. O.K. now, where were we? Ah yes, "I am tempted every day"... ) to run, to avoid, to "postpone" God's sovereign intervention to a later, more "convenient" date when I feel I'd be better equipped to handle all He's addressing. Seems only fair, as none of this was cleared by me and my schedule was already pretty full.
That said, I'd be lying if I tried to tell you that I haven't attempted (more than once) to figure out where God is hiding the remote control so I can hit the Fast Forward button on all of this and get to the "good part" of this page-turner of His.
And that's the ugly, unpolished, unedited truth.
And sure, even now as I prepare to hit "publish", I'd still prefer to present the "ready to print" final draft of myself to the world, who wouldn't? But I also see the beauty in unashamedly allowing others to view the flawed, scribbled throughout, authentic work in progress.
And perhaps...just maybe by doing so... some of you may find the courage to share your rough-draft self with the world too ...
Sunday, February 16, 2014
How Far is Too Far?
In youth ministry, this provocative headline was an age-old question that we heard ALL the time in regards to...ahem..."relationships." Teenagers always wanted to know where the line was, how close they could get to it without "officially" crossing it. It was a question that was really just a hidden statement, "just tell us how much we can get away with without having to feel guilty later on."
This blog isn't about sex, so for those of you concerned about where I was going, exhale. For those of you who kept reading hoping I might be able to offer some insight on the subject, I will add this... if you're asking this question, you're asking the wrong question. Spend your days asking God to equip and empower you to live an honorable life worthy of your calling, not how you may wink at and toy with the "Blurred Lines" our society offers. Avoid the gray. Flee.
As I said, this isn't about that though. This question, birthed out of my own moment of reflection, is in regards to FORGIVENESS. How far is too far when it comes to forgiving someone? How many times are we as Christians "required" to forgive before it's considered enough? As I posed this question to God, I was reminded of a similar conversation that took place in Scripture.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22)
Peter gets a bum rap for saying and doing some dumb things. But after just essentially asking the same question myself, I can easily identify with Peter. He was learning, just like you and I, how to be like Jesus. I believe he wanted the literal answer, not for an easy-out when he hit the limit, but so he'd know exactly what was required of him.
I get it, trust me, I get it. We want easily defined, cut-and-dry obedience. We want God to give us a check-list so we can proudly cross things off our list and say to God, "see? I did it!" Understand, I'm in no way minimizing obedience. Doing what is required of us is great. That's obedience. However, doing MORE than what is "required" of us is sometimes what is required of us. (Go ahead and reread that sentence a couple of times.)
Sometimes in the "seventy times seven" times, something in our heart realizes we've been keeping a mental tally and we may feel people have used up all their "get out of jail free" cards with us. We can feel we've exhausted our forgiveness, and often justifiably so. Only thing is, Jesus wasn't giving us a number here in his answer, he was giving us, well...an answer and a new way of doing things.
Sometimes forgiveness means going the extra mile.
"You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you." (Mt. 5:38-42)
Forgiveness, as defined by the life of Christ, means laying down your life for others--yes even THEM. Forgiveness means extending grace and mercy when none is deserved or you feel you've got no more to give. Forgiveness means LOVING even the unlovable...not with a plastic, "churchy", fabricated kind of love, but with a love that humbly recognizes that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It means loving with a love that believes the best of EVERY person...the kind of love that can ONLY come from God Himself, for God is Love.
So for those of you who may also be asking God "How many times must I really forgive?" And that age-old question, "how far is too far?" Know that this is one case where you're going to find the answer urging you to go ahead and cross the line, giving you permission to look like Jesus and to love like Jesus and to go "too far"...just like Jesus.
This blog isn't about sex, so for those of you concerned about where I was going, exhale. For those of you who kept reading hoping I might be able to offer some insight on the subject, I will add this... if you're asking this question, you're asking the wrong question. Spend your days asking God to equip and empower you to live an honorable life worthy of your calling, not how you may wink at and toy with the "Blurred Lines" our society offers. Avoid the gray. Flee.
As I said, this isn't about that though. This question, birthed out of my own moment of reflection, is in regards to FORGIVENESS. How far is too far when it comes to forgiving someone? How many times are we as Christians "required" to forgive before it's considered enough? As I posed this question to God, I was reminded of a similar conversation that took place in Scripture.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22)
Peter gets a bum rap for saying and doing some dumb things. But after just essentially asking the same question myself, I can easily identify with Peter. He was learning, just like you and I, how to be like Jesus. I believe he wanted the literal answer, not for an easy-out when he hit the limit, but so he'd know exactly what was required of him.
I get it, trust me, I get it. We want easily defined, cut-and-dry obedience. We want God to give us a check-list so we can proudly cross things off our list and say to God, "see? I did it!" Understand, I'm in no way minimizing obedience. Doing what is required of us is great. That's obedience. However, doing MORE than what is "required" of us is sometimes what is required of us. (Go ahead and reread that sentence a couple of times.)
Sometimes in the "seventy times seven" times, something in our heart realizes we've been keeping a mental tally and we may feel people have used up all their "get out of jail free" cards with us. We can feel we've exhausted our forgiveness, and often justifiably so. Only thing is, Jesus wasn't giving us a number here in his answer, he was giving us, well...an answer and a new way of doing things.
Sometimes forgiveness means going the extra mile.
"You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you." (Mt. 5:38-42)
Forgiveness, as defined by the life of Christ, means laying down your life for others--yes even THEM. Forgiveness means extending grace and mercy when none is deserved or you feel you've got no more to give. Forgiveness means LOVING even the unlovable...not with a plastic, "churchy", fabricated kind of love, but with a love that humbly recognizes that we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It means loving with a love that believes the best of EVERY person...the kind of love that can ONLY come from God Himself, for God is Love.
So for those of you who may also be asking God "How many times must I really forgive?" And that age-old question, "how far is too far?" Know that this is one case where you're going to find the answer urging you to go ahead and cross the line, giving you permission to look like Jesus and to love like Jesus and to go "too far"...just like Jesus.
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