the edge of our seats...

Lately I have this, "edge of my seat" kind of anticipation for what The Lord is doing, not just in my life but in the lives of so many people around me. It seems to be that a great number of people who are actively pursuing an intimate relationship with God are experiencing this same inner stirring- God is up to something. Now I know He's always "up to something"-that's His nature- but it seems to be there's this great urgency on the inside of so many people, a "Christmas Eve" type of antsy awaiting and awareness, that would point towards a new thing He's doing. The Bible speaks of many great and also terrible things to come in the last days, including the pouring out of God's Spirit. It would seem to me that He has already begun that pouring out His Spirit and stirring up His people in profound ways. And really, if we're not here as His disciple to live a crazy courageous life in response to this stirring, what are we doing? We have the same opportunity afforded to a handful of "misfit nobodies" who turned the world upside down by leaving the lives they knew and following Christ. Beth Moore says, "I want to live until I die." Simple, I know. Yet, this simple phrase has resonated with me recently and gnawed at my heart. I want to live...really live...until I die. I know how many days of life I've wasted, I can recount the days I've forfeited to the enemy. But as the song "He Loves" says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets", I only have time to live. To live with and on purpose. I'm not interested in retirement, I believe the best days are yet to come for us who would throw caution to the wind, "sell all we have", and follow Him. I'm suddenly discovering that I'm far more valiant and courageous than I ever thought before. God has breathed a fresh breath of life into my once weary and dry bones and there is a great destiny waiting ahead. This is the passionate eagerness I hear echoed in the lives of so many Christians right now and I wonder just what this world will look like, as we move from the edge of our seats to the center of His will...

He knows.

Sitting before My Everything, carrying what felt like the weight of the world, my heart seemed to have a billion questions to ask and so much to say. Yet, even with this immense sense of urgency to speak, I remained silent before God, words failing to be articulated. In a moment that it seemed I had so much to unleash at the ready ear of My Beloved, a stillness seized my being. Here at this place of divine interception, I found myself reminded in gentleness that He already knew and that I could rest in knowing that He is God. My words, although always welcomed by Him , I sensed were and sometimes are unnecessary. He knows. My list of needs? He knows. My questions and desires and burdens? He knows. He is ever-aware of each and every moment of my existance. Not merely aware, but so intensely devoted to me that He allows Himself to be intimately acquainted with all things that concern me. He knows. He really knows. There are these heaven-scripted moments in time that doctrine becomes revelation to the very core of your soul. This was one of those unexpected moments. It wasn't that God was telling me not to pray, certainly not, but reminding me that because He and I are in relationship, we have the ability to communicate even without my excessive ramblings. He knows and hears my heart and as He continues daily to draw me ever-closer, I too know and hear His heart...at the thought of this I am truly overwhelmed. It is then that I am reminded of these words I've recently read- a raw and beautiful articulation of this same thought... "How shall I pray? Are tears prayers Lord? Are screams prayers, or groans, or sighs or curses? Can trembling hands be lifted to You, or clenched fists or the cold sweat that trickles down my back or the cramps that knot my stomach? Will You accept my prayers, Lord, my real prayers, rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life, and not just the pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arranged bouquet of words? Will you accept me, Lord, as I really am, messed up mixture of glory and grime?"- T. Loder

...in it.

On half a cup of coffee and very very little sleep, I find myself at the keyboard contemplating and considering the topic of this blog. I toss a few ideas around within myself that I decide will wait for another time. I decidedly settle upon what was on my heart this morning as I shook myself awake from the abbreviated night of slumber; "This is the day that the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it". Perhaps one of the earliest verses I learned in Sunday school, and yet daily I purpose to rise with it etched freshly on my heart and mind. My Pastor has always reminded and urged us to challenge ourselves by literally speaking to ourselves, "self....."(filling in the blank with whatever action is necessary and vital to rousing and commanding the sluggish, rebellious flesh of ours). In light of this simple but highly effective method, I have determined to awake each new day with the attitude of, "Kim, this day was made and created for you by God Himself, whatever it delivers to the threshold of your life today , you will rejoice and be glad right in the midst of it. And Kim, understand that this is not a request, it is both a command and a choice that you will make on purpose and with joy!" Here at the culmination of this blog is where I'd love to say that I, being perfect, then rise each and every day walking in this perfectly rejoicing attitude of perfection and thus experience perfect circumstances. However, being that I am more than slightly imperfect, I will simply say that it is a challenge that I willingly accept and embrace daily. I find great peace in the constant reminder that He who made my today is well aware of the most finite details of it and if for no other reason than that, I continue to remind myself to rejoice and be glad in it!

that place...

Last night God showed me a picture of what it is I look like from His vantage point. I saw part of me pleading and declaring with intense ferocity my utmost desire to have more of Him, to do more and to be more for Him. I saw myself struggling to draw closer to where He is and what He has, to enter into the place of His presence, and power, and purpose. I heard myself saying, "I want in that place", as this vivid and almost tangible desperation poured from my heart. Then, as in a movie, the scene panned out to show me standing firmly planted in front of a door, hands pressed against it as if to hide its' contents and keep trespassers away. This is the moment I heard the Lord speak to my spirit. In answer to my passionate yearning to go to the place my being so desperately desires, He responded, "If you will grant Me access to that place, I will grant you access to that place". In that moment, I knew what was behind that door and what God was showing me. In that moment I understood that God was reminding me that just as there are places I long to go in Him...the next level, the deeper levels...there are places in my life He longs to go. How often, for various and (in hind-sight) very foolish reasons, I have chosen to struggle with My Potter and His molding, shaping, purifying process. Far too many times I've chosen to wiggle and whine beneath the weight of His hands, convincing myself that the pain and discomfort outweigh the results. Too many times I've attempted to reason and bargain my way out of His pruning and purging, holding onto attitudes, mindsets and sinful choices that not only displease Him, but disable me. All at once, with this vivid picture being painted for me in the chasms of my spirit, the battle was crystal clear and The Holy Spirit, in the profoundly gentle fierceness He consistently displays, drew me to that place of greater surrender. Today I'm leaning into His hands in decided trust and yielded determination. I'm granting Him access to "that place" in me and am taking Him at His word that as I do, He will then grant me access to "that place" in Him...that place of greater and deeper freedom , greater and deeper anointing, and greater and deeper intimacy...

I will bless the Lord at all times...

Today I'm both encouraged and challenged by something I've just read. "There are two kinds of people, complainers and worshippers. Complainers will always find a reason to complain and worshippers will always find a reason to worship"- (In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day) What a simplistic truth that causes me to approach each and every circumstance with careful attention. The challenges and situations each new day provides are simply a series of opportunities; opportunities to complain and quickly find myself drowning beneath discouragement, or opportunities to worship The God who is still and always will be in control. The more I understand who He is, the more I understand that what He has scripted for my life is a far greater adventure than I could ever have penned for myself. When I willingly yield in trust to His divine authorship of my days, more and more I find myself resting, and trusting, and thanking; grateful for the ever-increasing reasons I'm discovering that He is far beyond worthy of my constant attitude of gratitude. I pray whatever tomorrow brings, my heart would continue to respond "I WILL bless the Lord at all times. His praise will continually be in my mouth!"-Ps. 34:1

DailyGraced

So upon the urging of my Pastor, here is my first blog. I've always believed someday I'd write. Words have always been in me waiting to come out, waiting to tell a story that would edify, challenge, encourage...glorify. My "some day" kept creeping into the next day and what seemed like such a simple task ("just write Kim") would be set aside for another day when I perhaps had something valid to say. But today I have a voice, and if for noone else but me, I'm finally writing. Perhaps this will lead to the sharing of intimate details of my life, perhaps I'll simply express what's on my heart. Whatever the content, one thing will certainly be evident; I am a product of grace. Daily grace. For it is by grace that I've been saved through faith, not of my own works lest I should boast. Each day brings a new portion and provision of grace for which I am eternally grateful and each day I'm finding out just how much God delights to lavish me this way...