I've committed to God to share my story, to share my real journey with others because somebody, somewhere might just need it. I can't hoard His goodness.
I remember the first time I heard someone else sharing "my story"...it was their testimony, but it was mine too...it changed my life forever. She lived to tell her story. So did I. So I obediently write in hopes that someone else might be encouraged and made whole and maybe even write a letter of their own.
A Letter To Me...
"Dear Kimmy.
I'm writing this letter to you, the three year old girl I once was, because there are some things you need to know. I'm thirty-six now, and I've truly never been happier. I'm living the life we never imagined possible. I want you to know, sweet girl, that there are better days ahead. The darkness won't last forever. There will be more bad days than good for many years, but know that it won't last forever.You won't just be happy in the future, you will have real joy and lasting peace. You will KNOW that you are loved and that will begin to make all the difference. I know that right now you are terrified by what's going on. I know you don't understand why this is happening and are wondering if it will ever end. It will sweet girl.
I know that being abandoned and left to live in strange homes with strange people is terrifying to such a little girl. I know you feel like it's all your fault. Please hear me when I say, none of this is your fault. You are a child. You don't deserve to be abandoned, mistreated, devalued. You don't deserve to be defiled and abused. You deserve to be loved, protected, treasured, and safe...every little girl does.
There will be days when you despise being a girl. There will even be days when you despise being alive. Hold on. You will soon discover that God Himself is your Daddy and He has a plan for all of this. You'll see.
You aren't a mistake. You aren't a mistake. You aren't a mistake.
God Himself planned for you and He says, "you will live and not die and will declare the works of the Lord." That word will sustain you and prove itself truth in your life. I know it's hard for such a small child to comprehend, but you'll discover it's all true soon, I promise.
I know right now, you can't imagine life at thirty-six because you can't allow yourself to even imagine surviving another day...but you will. You will, in fact, survive a whole lot of "another days." Some of them, sadly, will be far worse than the ones you know now. I wish it weren't so, but it is. However, there are also days coming that God will begin to redeem everything--ALL of it. These days will far outshine them all, you'll see.
You have to know you will be o.k. I know there's nobody there to tell you that right now, but if you listen, I promise you that you'll begin to hear the voice of God--even at this early age--and He will whisper comforts to your soul.
Life will continue even after those moments when it seems like it's all over. Life will continue even when you're begging in agony for it to all just end. There are some prayers, you'll see, that His answer to is, "no." He has a plan. I know you can't see it yet, but I promise you He does.
Much will be taken from you, little one, but much more will be given back to you...more than you can ever imagine. Even now, as I write, I know that there is much more still to be restored as I am daily being lavishly ransomed.
You will have many questions on this journey, and few will be answered to your human liking--you will come to accept that. You will be o.k. You will find wholeness that will far supersede the anguish and sorrow your tiny heart now feels. You will find a purpose in all of this and for you, that will be enough.
I wish I could rescue you somehow, but that is not the way this story goes. My heart breaks for your innocence, yet my spirit peacefully rejoices in knowing that YOU WILL NOT BE DESTROYED. You live...I live...and the story continues."
-Kimberly
