I don't need to know...

"God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for Himself the knowledge of them, that He may train us up in a dependence upon Himself and a continued readiness for every event."(Matthew Henry) I spent some time meditating on this quote this morning and soon after I picked up where I'd left off in the book of Revelation. I absolutely love it when God somehow directly addresses the thoughts of your heart through His Word. Revelation chapter ten refers to the message John heard but was not to record as, "God's mystery, His secret design, His hidden purpose". The words leapt off the page and quietly stilled my soul as I was lovingly reminded that some things are simply "none of my business".

In truth, I am someone who wants to know EVERYTHING when it comes to what God is doing and why He's doing it this way instead of that way, and when He's going to do it, and how and where and... and... and ... Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things He graciously does reveal in whispers of revelations and that itself blows me away! To realize that GOD, THE I AM cares to ever share intimacies with me is both profoundly humbling and mind-blowing, but honestly there are things He just does not show or tell us now. These mysteries and designs and plans and purposes are shielded from our knowledge and apparently sometimes surrender is simply releasing the "right" or "need" to know. At least for this human, this has not been an easy lesson learned.

There are still days that I must resemble more of a crazed desperate woman approaching Him, than a trusting child. There are still days when the desire to know what the heck is going on threatens to push me to the brink of near emotional and mental insanity. Knowing God, however, is knowing that He is the God of the "even when" moments. He is God "even when" all hell is literally breaking loose, He is God "even when" chaos is seemingly reigning, He is God "even when" it appears He is absent or distant or silent. And He is God who DOES indeed have an intricately designed will for His children that is good. He is God who has reasons and purpose in all things, ALL things. And He is God who is able to take whatever the enemy means for our evil and USE it for our good. (Gen. 50:20) To know Him is to know these truths and to remind ourselves frequently enough of them that they are the concrete anchors for our soul day to day.

There WILL BE days when the treacherous waters of questions will threaten to overtake and drown us, but it is our dependence on God and who we KNOW Him to be that will keep us afloat. I don't need to know the plans to know He does indeed have plans. I don't need to know His reasons to know He has them. As much as I may WANT to know, knowing that He knows what He's doing has got to be decidedly enough. "For I know the plans I have for you, says The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11) That, God, IS enough and today I surrender to Your will...again. It is more than enough to know that You love me and that You will NEVER leave me and that YOU KNOW the plans. I don't need to know...