When writing is as natural an expression to you as talking, it is somewhat grieving when you realize it's been well over a year since you've done any real writing at all...yikes! As I sit here this morning, soaking in some sun, enjoying a beautiful airy breeze, and the sounds of early spring outside the window, I find myself compelled and inspired to write.
All around me on this peaceful morning, there's a low hum of busy activity. As I mentioned, the sounds of spring surround me. Birds are happily singing their songs as they build their nests, the bees are determinedly buzzing from one colorful bloom to the next, and somewhere up the road I detect the distinct motor of a riding lawnmower zipping around a well-manicured lawn. I am mesmerized...and somewhat jealous. Yes, jealous...of the chirping birds, the busy bees, and the chubby, middle-aged man (in my imagination) who is cutting his grass on this joyous Saturday morning.
Before you judge, I can explain. See, I am usually the one bustling around in a flurry of activity. I'm the one who is comfortable being a busy bee. I like multi-tasking, and "to-do" lists, and full schedules. Although, I may, however, not be one for yardwork... I'd be doing SOMETHING this Saturday morning. In fact, I'd be serving at an outreach at this very minute if it weren't for one small fact... I am in a time-out. That's right, a time-out...a God-directed, God-mandated, and dare I say, God-given, TIME OUT.
Every December I find myself asking God for His Word for me for the next year. This year was no exception. Usually God will, if I am listening, give me one word or one verse that becomes the theme of my year, setting the tone for what is to come. Because of some very exciting things He was doing in my life at the time, I was eager to hear what was sure to be a very profound and life-altering word. Although I received many great & encouraging words through those closest to me as the year came to an end, the word that God gave me seemed somewhat out of place with the rest...little did I know just how this word would shape and define my life in the coming months.
January rolled by with the usual fresh anticipation and a great zeal fueling some personal goals... it was full steam ahead. I was happily, busily, buzzingly busy busy busy and loving it! I was, in my own estimation, balancing everything with flair and spinning plates with ease...until...I wasn't. Looking back, perhaps I wasn't so balanced...in retrospect, perhaps I was spinning plates when... gulp...The Lord was asking...or better said, warning me...to PUT THEM DOWN!!!
It is said, that hind-sight is often 20/20, so too, unfortunately, is recognizing the voice of God. Now that my initial hissy-fit regarding being in time out is over, I ponder the clear warning signs I missed and sadly, DISMISSED. I see how the very thing God allowed me to preach a message on, "The Dangers of Living on "E", He had really been inviting me to PRACTICE.
However, I was "too busy". I managed to silence the nagging insistence of His voice with my own prideful reasonings. I would rest, "after"... and kept filling in that blank and putting rest off while piling on more. My Pastor always says, "rest or God will rest you." Such a great saying, really. I agree, wholeheartedly...until it applies to me. This is not because of the expectations or demands of others, it's not because I don't know the power of the word "no", it's not because I think I'm the only one who can do certain things...it's because something in me is fractured and truth-be-told, sometimes the hamster wheel of busyness helps me avoid the painful reality of that truth.
But God.
He and I have a deal. I pray stupid, foolish, sincere prayers, and He answers them. When I ask Him to do WHATEVER it takes to make me, free me, heal me, and use me for His glory, He always answers with a relentless, "yes". And...He...means...it. The "problem" is, it's usually on His terms and not mine. He never seems to consult with me as to whether or not the timing or the methods are convenient or acceptable to me. Maybe, just maybe, you can relate.
So I sit here this morning, surrounded by a flurry of motion and movement and busyness and activity, and I am still. Like David, in Psalm 23, God is making me lie down and after nearly 3 months of stubbornly trying to tell God when I will "get up" from my time out, and admittedly, the occasional tantrum, I have stopped fighting Him. Instead of foolishly coveting the birds and the productivity of the bumblebees, I will consider them a reminder of God's constant care...
"Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to Him than birds...walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think He’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:26-34 MSG
AMEN.
I am entering into His rest. I am allowing Him to address the things I often ache to avoid. I am finding His presence to be enough and His grace to be sufficient. And I am FINALLY settling into the word He had for me for 2016, "REST, RECIEVE, RESPOND"... and it only took this hard-headed daughter an on-going illness and a severely fractured ankle to position me to do so, but..."whatever it takes, Lord, WHATEVER it takes."
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