My hands, His hands...

To quote a song, "It's well past midnight and I'm awake with questions that won't wait for daylight..." This seems to be the time of day when my thoughts, or my God, or a blaring combination of the two, keep me awake to ponder in the dark stillness of the early (way too early) morning. Sitting quietly, I'm reflecting quite soberly on a portion of a word that God gave me in a time of ministry yesterday. "I see you bursting forth, a water spout at full pressure. Until now there's been a hand on the spout only allowing minimal flow, controlling and hindering the water pressure." The minister went on to loose this hand, confirming that God wanted the unhindered ability to flow out from me as a river of living water. What God wasn't showing them (and what I later shared) was the truth He was simultaneously revealing to me. I did, in fact, know exactly whose hand was and has most often been on that spout-mine! The common saying is "we are our own worst enemy" and in many cases I'd have to agree. Of course I'd like to blame-shift as much as the next guy but, truth-be-told, my own self-sabotage has cost me just as much, if not more, as anything the devil has himself done to me. Now I understand, he gets his wormy, wily self in our business and influences us. To simply pin it on him, however, to simply say "the devil made me do it", is to often give him more credit than he's due and a cop out of my own personal responsibility. No doubt , my self-sabotage has for the most part been unintentional, but to a certain degree it's also been a vicious and prideful attempt to control my own life. It is with these painful thoughts that I wrestle on this early (again, far too early) morning. Having dedicated my entire life to genuinely and consistently living surrendered to God's will and purposes, this reality of my own hand hindering and holding me back brings me to my literal knees. Be it fear of the unknown, a lack of trust, vile self-will, insecurity, or a stifling "stew" of these paralyzing ingredients, the truth is I have gotten in my own way. More so, I have gotten in God's way. The additional truth here is, this is not how I want to or will live out the rest of my days. Because of it's nature, there is always a level of trepidation that comes with the unknown, but I will loosen my grip because God has given to me power, love, and a sound mind. I will pry my fingers off my life's "water spout" because I know...I KNOW...I can trust Him. As for self-will and insecurity, I see now these are evil twins rooted in the prideful mind game that believes my opinion somehow outweighs His truth. I will humble myself before my God where I'll allow myself to receive the grace He eagerly gives. As I do, I see the picture changes. It is His hands I can see now on the spout- strong, capable, familiar hands that move with steady purpose. This is how it is meant to be. I find myself easing into a calm and still peace. I know full well that His hands are up to something and I am overjoyed they are....

the wind and waves still know...

At a prayer service last night a song played I'd not heard before. I strained to catch the lyrics as it was playing softly in background and caught just this line, something I've been meditating on since... "Be still my soul, the wind and waves still know His voice" In Matthew 8, we read the account of Jesus and His disciples on a boat when, "suddenly a violent storm arose" (Mt.8:24) The disciples in panic and fear wake Jesus who'd been sleeping soundly despite the tumultuous circumstances. His response then, are the same words He speaks today to our fearful hearts. "Why are you so timid and afraid, O you of little faith? Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great and wonderful calm (a perfect peaceableness). "The wind and waves still know His voice." Over two-thousand years ago The Prince of Peace spoke into raging waters telling them to cease their frantic stirrings-and they did! Just like that! The very same God who spoke the deep waters into existence, stood in a heaving boat, looked over the side, and ordered those same waters into utter tranquility. And they still know and recognize His voice- the circumstances that threaten to capsize us as we travel with and for The Lord are still under His command. He is still the Great Storm- Silencer. He is I AM. In the moments of sheer terror or nausea we experience in life- waves coming up over the side of the boat, dark and threatening skies looming above, may we be reminded as I was, that His voice is still enough to hush even the harshest of situations and bring a great and wonderful calm, yes, a perfect peaceableness. "When the oceans rage and thunders roll, I will soar with You above the storm. Father You are King over the flood. I WILL be still and know You are God!" (Hillsong)

no matter what

Sitting at the computer this morning, while the sun had yet to come up, I wondered why it'd been so long since my last entry and why, more importantly, was I up at 4a.m.!??? But in that moment of introspection I found myself overwhelmed with a deep sense of thankfulness for even being awake...for being alive, and for really living this life and not just allowing it to pass drearily by. And In the wake of a week best described as heavy ...emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I still find the surfacing feeling that encompasses my heart to be real, authentic gratitude. On my "worst of days" I take solace in knowing and understanding that each and every circumstance that has been allowed by God in my life has purpose. I am comforted to know that I face nothing alone. And I am encouraged to know that in my moments of ever-waning human strength, His grace is far more than sufficient and that is reason enough to rejoice in another day, no matter what it brings!

promised land...

Following a message from my Pastor last night on the fear of the Lord, I had one of those life-shifting moments as I sat before the Lord. As simply and clearly as He could, He spoke to my heart;"I refuse to allow you to walk into your Promised Land carrying souvenirs and mementos from your days in captivity." There comes a time in life that you recognize, "This is it...this is the season I've been waiting for, this is what God has been preparing me my whole life for...this is my promised land" At the very same time, in readying us to lay hold of our destinies and our predestined purposes, God, it would seem, begins a relentless pruning and purging process. The plans He has for us require an ever-increasing stripping of the flesh. The divine must not be tainted with the residue of the demonic, and although that phrase may be seemingly harsh, it is reality. Satan, who loathes our very existence would love nothing more than to see us enslaved Israelites wandering aimlessly with the Promise Land just beyond our grasp. God, however, delights to loose the bonds of wickedness, to empty our hands of soul-enslaving trinkets and baubles and release us with joy into the very freedom He has set us free for. The relentless hand of God can certainly feel just that, relentless, but to be sought out by God is to be pursued by the Lover of Your Soul who has prepared a Promised Land of liberty and life for us; a destiny for our lives far beyond our wildest dreams....

The Author and Finisher...

As I sit here lamenting over how long it's been since I've written, I begin to ponder the speed at which days can pass us without notice, turning weeks into months. There are those moments in life where time seems to literally stand completely still and then there are spans of time that disappear leaving us all too aware of how quickly our days here come and go. At this time in my God-story I am acutely aware of the days that have already been turned in my life's pages. The story of my days has been filled with sorrows and joys far too many to recount. Each paragraph, so intricately scripted, has formed and fashioned who I am and as I stand in anticipation of what's to come, I am humbled and grateful. As I sense the very hand of God Himself turning the pages, I acknowledge He is both Author and Finisher of this faith journey and so I find my place of rest and trust. Admittedly sometimes this story progresses more rapidly than I would maybe choose, but still I ultimately choose to relinquish my urge and tendency to grab the pen. I've come far enough to know that this is not meant to be a "Choose Your Own Adventure". He'll give us opportunities for choices and decisions, no doubt, but clay doesn't direct the Potter, and neither should the character dictate to the Author. I find myself eager to experience the rest of this tale, but because I know these days will pass as seemingly rapid as the first chapters have, I inhale and exhale slowly, nestle in to Him and incline a ready ear and heart, not wanting to miss a single second of discovering how it all plays out...

Inescapable One...

During a time of prayer for an upcoming event, a picture flooded my spirit with great clarity. I witnessed the Holy Spirit filling and flooding a certain gathering with His tangible and visible presence. Wall to wall, floor to ceiling, His very being permeated every crack and crevice of the structure seeping into even the tiniest of openings, enveloping all who were present in the mist-like heaviness...and not one person moved. The sense was that they could have moved, but they had chosen to remain still and silent as He ministered to each one according to their needs, both the seen and unseen. What my heart began to sense and speak out in prayer is that God was manifesting as the Inescapable One. He, being The Divine Magnet, pursues and draws His creation from before our birth. In all our stubbornness and natural tendencies to wriggle free, it is He who viciously seeks to win again the hearts of His abducted children. If you've seen the movie Taken, you can undoubtedly conjure up a gripping visual of The Father's desperate pursuit of His Beloved-He will stop at nothing. HE WILL STOP AT NOTHING! Would we want it any other way? Would we wish to be undesirable, unwanted, disposable in our Heavenly Daddy's eyes? Isn't the real reason and hidden hope behind the contemplation of running away as a child that someone would come looking for you? That you'd be considered worthy of being found again? This became my thought process as I allowed the vivid picture He'd shown me to swirl around my heart and mind. He is The Inescapable One who WAS and IS and Will BE. By His very nature He is Unavoidable. David declared in Psalms 139:7 NLT- "I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence!" Certainly, He can be and is denied, but, without apology, God has set Himself as the Ever-Present One who refuses to be ignored. Our captive hearts will encounter the Living God at some point in history, as His hunt for us is relentless, and it is His Father's heart theat longs for us to respond by willingly melting into His embrace. He is The Inescapable One and how incredible it is to be chased and captured by His enrapturing love.

the edge of our seats...

Lately I have this, "edge of my seat" kind of anticipation for what The Lord is doing, not just in my life but in the lives of so many people around me. It seems to be that a great number of people who are actively pursuing an intimate relationship with God are experiencing this same inner stirring- God is up to something. Now I know He's always "up to something"-that's His nature- but it seems to be there's this great urgency on the inside of so many people, a "Christmas Eve" type of antsy awaiting and awareness, that would point towards a new thing He's doing. The Bible speaks of many great and also terrible things to come in the last days, including the pouring out of God's Spirit. It would seem to me that He has already begun that pouring out His Spirit and stirring up His people in profound ways. And really, if we're not here as His disciple to live a crazy courageous life in response to this stirring, what are we doing? We have the same opportunity afforded to a handful of "misfit nobodies" who turned the world upside down by leaving the lives they knew and following Christ. Beth Moore says, "I want to live until I die." Simple, I know. Yet, this simple phrase has resonated with me recently and gnawed at my heart. I want to live...really live...until I die. I know how many days of life I've wasted, I can recount the days I've forfeited to the enemy. But as the song "He Loves" says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets", I only have time to live. To live with and on purpose. I'm not interested in retirement, I believe the best days are yet to come for us who would throw caution to the wind, "sell all we have", and follow Him. I'm suddenly discovering that I'm far more valiant and courageous than I ever thought before. God has breathed a fresh breath of life into my once weary and dry bones and there is a great destiny waiting ahead. This is the passionate eagerness I hear echoed in the lives of so many Christians right now and I wonder just what this world will look like, as we move from the edge of our seats to the center of His will...